Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts... | angelofeccentricity's Blog
This is gonna be a confusing blog entry.
Just writing this before I take my daily IB nap.
I've just been so tired lately.
Like, when I close my eyes on the bus ride home with my earbuds and music playing in my ears,
I don't just stay in this little relaxed, peaceful state anymore.
I fall into a deep sleep.
And then I start falling to the side and jolt awake over and over.
The random strangers I sit beside must feel really uncomfortable.
I seriously almost fell right on a girl like 3 times in one bus ride.
But anyway, this is not the point.
I'm just gonna put a lot of thoughts into this one entry.
First thought: my sister.
We're still angry with each other.
She got super angry when I told my dad everything that happened because he could
see the animosity between each other.
I told him everything.
I didn't even embellish it (that much) to my favor.
There wasn't anything to embellish though!
My sister is just a frickin' sociopath.
My mom has been tracking this, but she thinks that something goes on with my sister in the months of February
and November because that's always been the time when my sister got in trouble at school, or had just
random angry outbursts.
It's really interesting.
I'm going to watch out for next November and February.
And get to the bottom of this.
Anyway, she was going on a rampage when I was telling the story.
Saying she's gonna get me back and all.
And just before that, I was taking one of my daily naps, and she started pounding on the walls,
trying to wake me up, but thankfully I was already awake because...
You see, I love sleep.
I need sleep.
It is the only way I can function.
When I'm tired, I become just very irritated with everyone and everything.
When my sleep gets disturbed once I start, I become the most miserable person you will ever know.
I just fill up with such an anger until I eventually calm down.
But anyway, I was already awake, so Reena dodged a pretty big f*ckin' bullet.
So, yeah, I woke up.
Started doing homework from then.
And so, Reena is on her rampage, but I completely ignore it.
When I was trying to tell my dad everything, she kept yelling stuff from her room and I'd just say, "Excuse me, I'm trying to talk to Dad" and continue on.
Which probably pissed her off some more.
Long story, short.
I woke up the next day.
Quickly finished a Physics lab I had due and I ran to the bathroom to get ready for school and catch the bus on time.
I grabbed my toothbrush, ran it under water, put toothpaste on and put it in my mouth.
And I'm brushing when... I taste soap and smell a perfume.
I'm like, 'Ewww, what is this?
This tastes horrible.'
And then I realize... my toothbrush has been sabotaged!
Someone put like body wash on my soap.
My sister did.
She, of course, denied all of it, but you and I know that it's complete bullsh*t.
I just said that a ghost probably did it and went on my way.
Surprisingly, I wasn't mad.
It was just vaguely unpleasant.
But toothpaste itself doesn't taste that great anyway.
See, my sister thinks she can keep doing the same old sh*t and still be able to hurt me.
Doesn't work that way.
I'm not 12 anymore.
Putting a bit of soap on my toothbrush isn't gonna make me cry.
And I thought she was a good bully.
Anyway, that's enough of that.
Now, to boys.
I'm not just saying this for the sake of Valentine's Day.
I meant to write this out a while ago, but I just didn't get around to it.
I think... I've gone boy crazy.
Before, I seriously didn't care about boys.
I went through all of grade 9 without having a single crush.
However, it seems as though as I get older, the less mature I become.
I have like a trillion crushes.
Well, not really.
I think I still don't have crushes...
Actually, I'll describe it and you tell me if it's "crush" status.
Well, I like boys.
Like I see them and I like looking at them.
I don't get flustered talking to them.
I sometimes think of them when my mind is free from school work.
Some of my crushes are more full-blown.
Like, let's see...
Mr. Yale: This is definitely a crush. I don't think about him as often as I used to, but whenever I see him in the hallway and he looks at me and says "Hi", my heart beats so fast. Like, I feel as though my heart is gonna to jump right out of my chest. And I can't stop smiling afterwards! I beam like a kid that just got a new bike or something. *sigh* Mr. Yale...
George: I don't think I like him anymore, to be honest. I see him in the hallway and I look at him. But I don't care anymore if he looks at me. Don't think this is a crush.
Sean: Partner for a mandatory IB project that I have to do for school. Something about him is just really cute and he's really intelligent. But he just got a girlfriend. When I saw them holding hands, I felt like this shock go through me. I think it might've been jealousy, but I'm not sure. When I see him in the library, I look at him a bit, but he's not always on my mind.
S***a: I mentioned him before. He's the one that had a picture of Jeff the Killer on his Facebook profile which freaked me out and caused my to lose a night of a sleep. In grade 10, I kind of liked him, but George and Mr. Yale took up most of my time and I didn't have any room for him. Now, I do. He is cutest guy I've ever seen. He makes me laugh like crazy. He has the sweetest smile. And for some reason, if he's talking and I suddenly show some interest and look at him, he'll stop looking at the person he's originally talking to and look at me, and start talking to me instead of that person. I don't know why, but he just does. For like, everyone. I don't think he likes me though. I think it's mostly because I laugh so much and he probably likes it when someone appreciate his jokes. I appreciate all jokes! But yeah, I actually started really liking him only a few days ago. Not really a full-blown crush yet. Getting there though.
Guy on the bus: I don't know him. Never talked to him. Don't even know his name. I just came on the bus one day and he was there and he was studying for something. I think he is a university student. And I was just really interested in him. He was adorable. He would look away from his binder and then look up in thought and you could see his lips were moving as he was trying to remember something or figure something out. It was the cutest thing and I couldn't stop looking at him. I almost got caught like 2 times just staring at him shamelessly. I didn't see him for like weeks and then he was finally on the bus again. And like before, I couldn't stop stealing looks of him. And then, I saw him again about a week ago. He's just really, really, really cute. I think about him a bit, not that often.
Bus driver: He doesn't drive the bus I go on anymore (-Insert sadface here-), but he was the cutest bus driver I've ever seen. I just looked forward coming home from school at the end of the day, and going on the bus and seeing him there. He was just so cute. I embarrassed myself in front of him though, haha. I was just really tired from school and all, and staying up to do homework. And so, I was just gonna rest my eyes on the bus, but I ended up falling into a deep sleep. I'm like dreaming, and all of a sudden I hear, "Hello?" At first I thought it was part of my dream, but then I hear it again, "Hello?" And I realize that someone is saying it in reality. I opened my eyes and the bus is empty. Like completely vacant. And the bus driver is turned around and look directly at me. I like look around in a dazed-slash-confused state and realize I slept past my bus stop. I quickly got up, grabbed my backpack and walked to the front. He's like trying to stifle his laughter, but I can see it. Smiling. I just say, "Thank you" and got off that bus as quick and could. I'm pretty sure my mouth was kind of open when I was sleeping too. Ugh. Thank God my bus stop is the second last of that route. I hope I get to see him again some day.
Pharmacy guy: I just started volunteering at a hospital for CAS hours (IB) and right across from the shop I work at, there is a pharmacy. On my first day, during orientation, this really cute guy comes in and buys a drink and a snack. He's really sweet too. He leaves. A few hours later, he's back again buying something. One of my co-volunteers there said something funny and I laughed. I looked up and he was laughing too and we shared a look, but I quickly looked away. And then when he left, I watched as he went to the pharmacy. And it turned out he worked there because I saw him behind the desk talking to a customer. What's weird though is that he frequently looks inside the gift shop from the back of the desk and I look at him, but I don't know if he's necessarily looking at me as he's too far away and there is glare on the window that separates us. I don't even know. But just the prospect of him maybe liking me makes me like him even more.
These are the main people that I "like." Are they crushes? I don't know for sure. But they make me feel something.
Well, I've been writing for like 30 minutes now and I really want to get some sleep before I start doing more homework.
I'm a boy crazy girl and my sister tried to sabotage me.
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Previous Posts...Idiot., posted May 17th, 2013
Keep On Dreaming, Dreamer, posted May 11th, 2013
Him, posted April 27th, 2013
My Sister: A Passive-Agressive, Spiteful B*tch, posted April 24th, 2013
I'm Absolutely Terrified of School, posted March 31st, 2013
Love., posted March 26th, 2013
Lately..., posted March 24th, 2013
Can't Stop Feeling So Sad., posted March 9th, 2013, 2 comments
What Is This?, posted March 3rd, 2013
Scandal, posted February 16th, 2013
Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts..., posted February 15th, 2013
My Sister, posted February 11th, 2013
Where Is That Familiar Feeling of Relief?, posted January 31st, 2013
What Are You?, posted January 27th, 2013
Maybe. Possibly., posted January 21st, 2013
Pity Party for the Self-Consumed, posted November 22nd, 2012
Thou Shall Not Kill... Yourself, posted November 22nd, 2012
Dear, Ray., posted November 4th, 2012
Egotistical and Lying To Myself, posted October 18th, 2012
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I'm a Loser!, posted July 21st, 2012
Slightly Pathetic, posted June 21st, 2012
An Involuntary Lone Wolf, posted June 16th, 2012
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Frickin' Jealousy, posted June 1st, 2012
A Heartwarming Glimpse, posted May 25th, 2012
The Stink of Humiliation, posted May 6th, 2012
Like the Wind, posted May 1st, 2012
Longing, posted April 7th, 2012
Hostility And Complexities, posted April 5th, 2012
Lined Paper, Plain Black Letters and Fatigue, posted March 31st, 2012
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This May Seem Pathetic, But..., posted March 29th, 2012
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